Is this day over yet? | makingbabycoutts's Blog

I kinda stuck my foot in my mouth this morning and I feel like a dick for it. She was whining and fussing and being high maintenance. I was frustrated and feeling overwhelmed. I was at the kitchen sink washing a bottle for her when I said "When she's crying and I'm cursin yeah that's a good clue to volunteer ifn you were so inclined."

I turned around to head back into the living room with the bottle and there he is holding her in his lap on the floor. I don't know if he heard me or not. I had gotten used to him not coming out of the bedroom to help and was surprised to see him there.

I was so grateful for him watching her that I could have just about washed his feet with my tears and dried them with my hair. That is, until he said "ok fine" and walked out of the room. I had just lit a cigarette but I put it out and post poned getting ready to go to moms so I could trouble shoot her.

I tried to be the supportive woman offering to listen if he wanted to talk, tellin him that I'm prolly the only other person who knows how frustrating she can be, etc. I was surprised that he wasn't grateful for the gesture, instead he was hostile.

I had already been patient in offering a supportive friendship despite having just had her dumped on me again, no notice, just POOF! I had been left wondering if he was just fetching a toy and going to return in a moment or was he just not going to deal with her at all for awhile or what.

Then I had to sew my bra strap back onto my bra before I could leave the house. I have one bra that is too small, one that's too big, and one that fits just about right (not exactly a good fit but closer than the others). I lost one of the straps to the big bra so it's useless, meaning I have two now and the one that is too small is well, lets just say it's not shaped for me and leave it at that.

I put a t shirt on but it was a cheap thin thing I got at Target months ago. I dunno bout there where you guys all are but out here Target sells clothes that are cheaply made and cheaply sold. They fall apart. This shirt was falling apart. I tossed it back in the drawer to use around the house (when you are this low ya don't throw anything out unless you have to). I picked out a shirt that hid the safety pins holding my pants up.

Yeah, my maternity pants are the only jeans that come close to fitting me but I have to hike them up and use one of those huge old fashioned baby pins to attach the top of the belly to the middle of the front of my bra. Even then they fall down and I have to keep hiking them up. Not just tuck mind you, I have to HIKE with one leg up in the air and yank them fuckers up.

I'm not complaining. She has new toys, new shoes, we have groceries, he has a new headset, we have the netbook, the bills are paid, I have cell units, there is fuel in the car, etc. We're gonna go clothes shopping before we leave for Missouri. I just have to find things that cover my body til then.

I did a hell of a lot more than vacuum over at moms. I worked very hard. I came home tired and looking forward to unwinding, relaxing, smoking a cigarette and drinking a soda, hopping online (hadn't been online all afternoon), etc.

Instead a friend of his came online so Daddy Coutts wanted to play Cross Fire with him. I watched her and made the best of it though deep down I was like hey, I watched her all day, I'd like a break please. I kept my mouth shut because he's starting now to volunteer to help with her more (especially when she's fussy and I want away from her the most).

I had given him the house to himself. I took ALL of her whining, diapering, feeding, entertaining, comforting, cheering, etc (and added to it a day of cleaning and running back and forth) and left him with silence, privacy and space.

I came home expecting he's take over for me, kinda like a changing of the guard. I was disappointed but I knew he wouldn't be playing a super long time and I understood that he wanted to hit his friend up while they were both online. I hope he understood my patience and appreciated it because she was wearing me down but I was still doing my best (with both of them). 

I love him very much. I love her very much. I have a lot to be grateful for. I am very lucky.

I think she's finally down for the night... crossing my fingers. I hope. She gave him a hard time then gave me some of that hard time before finally going to bed.