Tuesday afternoon | makingbabycoutts's Blog

He was talking to me about the pavement outside, of all things, and somehow that led to a one person argument. I say one person because I wasn't arguing, he was.

He told me that he spoke to another resident who commented that the gravel outside isn't a safe and stable surface to walk on. I chimed in that yeah, I'd tripped a few times there myself, stubbed my toes even when barefoot. I was basically agreeing with what the guy had said to him.

He said that that was just me not paying enough attention. I felt a sting of insult for a moment, as though if I trip on an unsafe and unsteady surface I'm not tripping because the surface is unsafe and insteady, I'm tripping because I'm not paying enough attention. I shrugged it off because well, I didn't really care. I was ready to hear the rest of what he had been saying.

He didn't finish what he had been saying. He said that if I have a hard time walking on the gravel that I'd have a hard time walking in Missouri. What am I supposed to say to that? (Keep in mind that he knows I was raised in Missouri the same as he was and that I walked just fine provided I was wearing shoes.)

It was about that point that I decided to just agree with whatever he says, no matter what it is, to make him happy. Sometimes you just have to say whatever the other person wants to hear so they don't lose their good mood and in turn ruin yours, ya know?

I'm thinkin how we've gotten off topic from how he was talkin to this guy about the gravel to how I don't pay enough attention to how I'm going to have a hard time walking in Missouri (happens a lot in our conversations). Suddenly he bolts up and storms off in a huff sayin why do I even bother talking, and a few other things that I don't remember.

I was like what the hell. Here I am doin my best just to agree with him while thinking he's been rude to me but I am trying not say or do anything that might upset him, and there he is storming off anyways. Can't win for losin.

I followed him into the bedroom wonderin what crawled up his ass, oops, I mean to say wondering what I had done wrong. He said I'd made faces and rolled my eyes. I didn't realize I'd made faces but it doesn't surprise me. I remembered rolling my eyes though.

He thought I'd rolled my eyes at him for something, I don't know what though (at something he said I guess). I'd rolled my eyes because we had yet again gotten off topic, jumping topics, and I was again waiting for the original topic to come back around.

Sitting there on the edge of the bed afterwards I don't know why but when I looked down at my hands they were trembling. Not big shaking trembles but the small fast shivering hand trembles. I tucked my hands down and tried to keep them out of sight. It was as though my body was responding with a fear response to his storming off even though my mind wasn't bothered by it.

It's stupid. It's not even worth fighting over. Sometimes it's the stupid shit that makes people fly off the handle. It's happened to me lots of times so I can indulge when it occasionally happens to him, too.

I'm determined not to let anyone or anything ruin my day today. I'm going to have a good day and enjoy, appreciate and tend to what I have. It is going to rain and I love rainy days! It's a perfect day for that pumpkin pie, scary movies on tv, curling up in bed with hot chocolate and the lap top... I can hear winter whispering in the chilly air. October winds, mmmm. I put some vanilla extract and a couple dashes of cinnamon into a small pot of water and used the stove as a diffuser. The kitchen smelled like sugar cookies for awhile.

Now, seeing all of that, who in their right mind would ruin a day like that with a foul mood? Certainly not me!